It’s mid-semester and you just entered the library for the first time this year. It’s getting late, so there are not many people there, but some students are burning the midnight oil.
There are students studying anatomy (they’re always studying), physics, bio chem, and some others tackling more than one class before heading home. You find a table, and there’s one other person sitting there.
You politely ask if they’d mind if you sat there, and they squeak out a “Sure”, and for all you know it was the first time they spoke to someone this week. In the midst of a difficult chapter, you look over at them and realize they’re kinda cute.
An hour passes, and it seems like they’ve gotten cuter. You make eye contact unexpectedly and look away quickly, a slight smile betraying your efforts to remain cool.
Fast forward a week or two and you’ve got a date set up with this person. They’re unlike anyone you’ve dated before; you might have had your share of jocks or popular people or just some random, normal person, but this is different.
You’ve never dated a nerd before.
There are some things you’ll need to know if you want to get it right this time, so pay attention to these five tips I’ve curated for you just for a situation like this; dating a nerd.
1: Their studies will always be a priority. For a good amount of us, school isn’t the highest priority in college – it’s getting turnt.
For someone who’s a bit nerdy, getting faded is near the bottom of the list and getting an A in every class is the main objective. They may looking to the future, so forgive them if it’s a friday night and you want to go out but they don’t want to.
Now, I don’t mean that you should just go along with it and go out alone or stay in. Show them how much progress they’ve made over the semester and how a little break won’t set them back at all.
Nerds have always been a bit nerdy, and were not really invited out to do stuff in high school. They might feel like they wouldn’t fit in at a party when that’s not true at all.
As their S.O., they’ll need you to help them get out of their routine and enjoy some of the less-educational aspects of college.
Help them get through their studies, and show them that a reward is never a bad thing. They’ve been studying so much that without you they could miss out on some great college experiences that’ll help them in the post-college world.
2: Show them how much you care because they might feel like you’re out of their league. Nerds don’t typically date the homecoming queen in high school, so if you date a nerd make sure they feel like you’re equals in the relationship.
A lot of people may feel a little insecure in a relationship, and that’s not very fun. As their boyfriend/girlfriend you’ll need to show them how much you mean to them.
That’s something that is needed in every relationship, but it might be even more crucial here. I’m not saying all nerds are unconfident and don’t have much self-worth, but we all get a little down sometimes and having someone you love show you how much you mean to them will be the kick that you need.
The more you show them you love them, they’ll be happier and more confident, and this will make them a better S.O. for you too. Win-win when you’re nice to someone.
3: You might need to help them branch out socially. Nerdy people aren’t really asked out the chill or party with other people very often.
If you date a nerd, you might need to help them get their feet wet and help them get out of their comfort zone. This will not only make them a better date, but being able to socialize is a skill that can go a long way in adult life (I don’t know for certain but once I’m an adult I’ll fill you in).
They might feel like people will be all judgey, but assure them that no one will and that they’ll fit right in. Show them the fun side of college and they’ll have a much better experience and will walk away with some fond memories.
They’re working almost too hard on their studies so it’s up to you to show them how to unwind and enjoy some of the finer things of college. Toss the textbook and toss back a few shots.
4: They might seem shy but they desperately want to open up.
Nerds have never had it very easy socially. In high school they may have been shunned or just ignored, and they never really had many people to talk to.
Just because you’re dating nerds doesn’t mean that they’ll suddenly open up and become a social butterfly; timidness is hard to outgrow. Even if they seem distant it doesn’t mean they are; no one has really talked with them and they’ve never been very open with people, so it’ll take them a little time to become truly comfortable with you. One thing you can do is take interest in their interests. Maybe they’ve never really met anyone who likes what they like, and haven’t really gotten a chance to have discussions about it.
If you can delve into their interests and get them to be more open with you, they’ll start to open up to other people as well and this will help them become more social and friendly. If you can get them out of their comfort zone, you’ll have shown them a side of themselves that they didn’t know existed, and will be happier and live a generally improved life because of it.
5: Find some nerdy common ground. If they’re truly nerdy, there will be something that they’re very passionate about.
Maybe it’s Star Wars, or something completely different, but if you can find an interest in that or if you find something that both of you care deeply about, that can be a big help in your relationship.
Couples always need something that they can do together that brings them closer (besides sex), and if there’s something a little nerdy that you both love, that can solidify your connection to each other.
Not to mention all of the nerdy discussions and inside jokes you can have. Those can go a long way.
Dating someone a little nerdy isn’t really different from dating anyone else, but there are some things that can help you strengthen the relationship. They might not have many friends or be that sociable, but they have you, and you have them, and that’s all that should matter.